I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
