you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
