I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
