My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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