Your dad touched me again.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
