They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
