My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize