i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
