Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
