everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
