some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
