What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You are a genius and a whore.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
