Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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