Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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