I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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