I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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