I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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