): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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