the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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