I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
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