I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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