Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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