Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I CAN MOONWALK!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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