a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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