he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
