woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
