worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
