On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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