I want to have your abortion
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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