sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize