I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
