Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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