If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
