amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
