My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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