You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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