She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
