He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
