Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
