dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
