so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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