i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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