So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
