broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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