my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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