I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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