I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
