She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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