cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
