i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
