When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
