I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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