I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
