i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
