none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
