Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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