so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
