I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
