mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
