dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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