I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize