oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
