That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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