i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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