Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
