I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
