it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
