1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
