We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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