It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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