When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize