I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
