wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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