I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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