This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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