census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
