By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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