good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
