I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
