We're facebook friends in real life
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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