Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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