i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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