I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
