paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
