Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
