after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
