i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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