I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
