Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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