ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I AM VODKA MAN
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
