i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
