Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(334): View more from Alabama

you're like a bully in the Christmas story

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(712): View more from Iowa

I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex

Fav 20 3817 1155
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Ask politely.

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?

(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Thats good enough.

Fav 62 14043 1745
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(415): View more from California

had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon

Fav 8 3311 1176
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(314): View more from Missouri

He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.

Fav 42 1519 6933
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(317): View more from Indiana

I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?

Fav 11 4047 1035
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(864): View more from South Carolina

I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.

Fav 3 2319 1166
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(774): View more from Massachusetts

time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in

Fav 1 662 329
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(206): View more from Washington

DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!

Fav 1 46 15
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