There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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