Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
