So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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