So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
