Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
