I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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