So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
