Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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