I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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