i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
