Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
