the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Woke up backwards on a recliner
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize