Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
