She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
